Another year, another Mother’s Day, has become one of my least favorite days of the year since my mother’s passing. She left us just 24 hours after her last Mother’s Day but for some reason, I am always able to forget the actual date until the season comes. A few days ago I was struck with the realization that this year, this Mother’s Day coincides with the 10 Year Anniversary of Her Death. That definitely hit differently. Ten years that she has been missed at family milestones and events. Memories that have been created without her.
As I have been processing how to go about the day, and how to feel or react, a friend of hers sent me a message on Facebook. She received a screenshot of her memories that included a comment from my mom and she thought that I might appreciate it. I love seeing old comments or memories of her so she was right, but I don’t think she knew just how special this one would be. It struck me at first because Tammy’s memory was her actually Remembering the 10th Anniversary of Her Mother’s Death. I honestly don’t think when she shared it with me, she was even aware that this will be my mother’s 10 years. Quite a coincidence, but who says God doesn’t have a sense of Humor?
The comment to Tammy from my mother, Katherine, was able to change my mindset and give me a different perspective. The sorrow remains the same but knowing her love for me soothes a little of the pain. My mother had written that “Our children are the best tributes we can leave of ourselves!” I am my mother’s Only Child, so in her words, I am her tribute to the world. As a mother myself, I understand that I have raised my sons to be the best versions of themselves and a value to the world. I just never thought about that my mother did the same with me.
I have tried to remember all the lessons she taught me over the years and the wisdom that I gained from her that I try to pass on. So, this Mother’s Day I will remember that although she is not physically here with us, her legacy is, as I am here, “her best tribute’ and her grandsons continue to carry on for generations to come.
Thank You, Mama, Happy Mother’s Day!
I hope this blog post may help you appreciate the legacy of your mother or the mothers in your life. If you have any stories or thoughts to share, please leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you.
I am an AFOL; Adult Fan of LEGO. I did not know this acronym, but I am loving that there is a term for it because it means that I am not alone in my fandom. I played with LEGO as a child but admit to finding more solace and joy in my current collection.
In 2020 the first episode of LEGO Masters aired. A competitive series following teams of two, building a LEGO creation based on a theme given in that specific episode with the hope of not being eliminated. An enjoyable family show, especially as the teams were adults with a love for LEGO, some more experienced than others but that was part of the draw. These pairs developed over the course of the show, learning from the other competitors. Siblings, parents, parent and adult child, friends, moms, coworkers the pair options are endless and identifiable. I was intrigued and ready to play too.
In 2020 LEGO also “Welcomed Adults” with their new 18+ Sets replacing the Expert LEGO Line that was intended for more advanced players. Themed LEGOS were released such as a Botanical Collection with flowers and trees that could be decorations in a room or office once built. An Architecture Line with renowned buildings around the world such as the Trevi Fountain, Statue of Liberty, and smaller scale sets of cities with a strip of their most recognizable buildings. The Las Vegas Strip, Paris with the Eifel Tower and Louver, London featuring Big Ben, Tower Bridge, and the London Eye. LEGO has collections to cater to adult fandom in Car Models, Movie Scenes or LEGO models of characters to again be used as decoration. There is a theme or collection to appeal to everyone on any level of building at many different price points. Architecture is my personal favorite, I started with the small-scale London city scene for my first build.
March 2020 was also the beginning of the lockdown so my newfound interest in LEGO took on an entirely new meaning for me. It became my therapy, my lifeline, a connection to the outside world. It brought me a sense of peace and well-being after a day of trying to keep five teenagers engaged in OnLine School. LEGOS have been used for mental health even in helping to prevent dementia.
My LEGO builds started to expand as my skill grew and lockdown seemed to have no end in sight. However, the LEGOS were not just for me anymore. LEGOS were bought or ordered to complete my collection, I was encouraged to continue building and the joy of completing a project and displaying was shared by my family. They would surprise me with a piece that was hard to find and take on the chore of dinner so I could build. Displayed on a hall table for all to enjoy, but many builds are extremely fragile and my family took it upon themselves to be extra careful when walking or cleaning. Even the cats were trained to not touch.
I still have several sets to build, I have missed not having that free time to do so but I also ran out of space to display them and I can’t bring myself to break them down and rebox them. That has actually become a more serious concern for me as I am looking at moving and don’t know how to move them, without taking them apart. I love puzzles too and have no problem taking them apart after completed and putting them back in the box. Is my tie to these LEGO builds because of the time spent, a memory that is connecting me to it? Honestly, I don’t know, but for now, they remain displayed with my little family of protectors to keep them safe. We have even discussed the type of shelving that we need in the future when I do build some of the bigger sets.
I have nearly completed my collection, that is until LEGO makes another that I just can’t live without. If they ever design The RMS Queen Mary, I will be first in line to buy it. (I’ve actually submitted it in their suggestion box.) If LEGO pairs with NFL and makes the 49ers LEVI Stadium, ‘Forget About It’ that baby would be on my Niner Fan Shelf by the end of the day.
A LEGO Fan Girl and proud of it. What hobbies bring you joy? Especially those encouraged and supported by your family?
This world of ours is in such a crazy place right now that it is hard to plan not just for tomorrow, but even for several hours from now. That is how rapidly things are changing. I think about how I was overwhelmed with how much there was to do and schedule for my family of 7 that I had a huge wall calendar with all our events, plus my purse calendar. This doesn’t count the tasking app on my phone, or the list stuck to the fridge because we have a Senior that had 3 months of deadlines and activities given to us by the school.
He is my firstborn, I have been dreading this time of our life as much as I have been looking forward to it. My baby will graduate High School, the final stepping stone to adulthood. He has earned it, more then deserves all the fun and excitement that these last few weeks would entail. However, that is not to be the case, as one dance has been canceled, most likely Senior Prom too, and the possibility of not walking for a graduation ceremony. These activities are rites of passage, I have been talking with him about them since kindergarten. My heart breaks not only for him and all Seniors but for us parents as well. We Did It! We made it this far and deserve to see our babies enjoy these final days of their childhood.
For some, it will be the last time they may ever see their friends as most are headed off to different colleges, vocational schools, or even jobs. School had become a joyous place with special events, breakfasts, award assemblies, activities designed specifically for the Senior class. What happens to the yearbooks, the dated announcements already ordered, for a few around the world Prom was already canceled with clothes never worn. That first dance with a long-time crush never experienced.
I don’t understand, nor do I know how long all of this might last, but I do know that this generation of Seniors is different than my Senior Class. We did not have access to technology and understanding that makes all of you a different breed. A group of adults that will be able to not only fix what we have lost but make it better. We will need you as if you have needed us. I believe in you and our future knowing that you will be the generation of reform and rebuilding.
Class of 2020, you are not forgotten and our heart breaks with you, but at the end of all this chaos, you will be the ones that make the biggest impact!
It seems only fair that I warn you that this may be a blog longer than most of my others, because I have a story to tell you about the crazy adventure that occurred to my family yesterday. I have had my share of dramatic events; some could even be considered near life or death, but I can honestly say that yesterday was one of the scariest days I have ever experienced. We woke up at 5:30 am so that we could leave the house by 6:30 am to take Cristian and Alex to acting class in Studio City. This was not our first rodeo, so we prepared ahead of time with not only packed lunches, but a cooler full of water, juice, and snacks. For those that don’t know, we live 3-4 hours from Los Angeles, acting class is also only 3-4 hours, so we typically head back the same day, making it home just in time for dinner. This trip, we took the other brothers with us, but Lily was able to miss the long car trip as she stayed with her grandparents. An uneventful trip down, although at the beginning of the Grapevine on the Northside we saw traffic backing up because a Semi-Truck must have forgotten to lock their doors and their entire inventory was strewn across the slow lane. Knowing we had 5 hours before we would be headed back, we assumed that the disaster would be cleaned up. The boys made it to acting class on time, while we spent a relaxing few hours in the local library. Released an hour early we took the boys over to the local public pool with intentions of a few hours of fun but upon arriving, it was apparent that we would be leaving with a major sunburn since none of the pools were covered in any shade. Taking a minute in the park, we decided to get back on the road a little early for maybe some water fun at home. Traffic was clear, we were in good spirits a few miles before we reached the Grapevine on I-5, there was a digital traffic sign that there was a lane closure causing a 75-minute delay. Before I continue, for those that are not familiar with our California Highways, this story demands an explanation of the CA Grapevine. This is a description from Wiki “The Grapevine that starts at the mouth of Grapevine Canyon, immediately south of the community, and ascends the canyon to the Tejon Pass, which separates the Tehachapi Mountains from the San Emigdio Mountains via Interstate 5 (formerly U.S. Route 99)…… The road is subject to severe weather and closure to traffic in winter. The stretch of I-5 through the Grapevine and the Tejon Pass is sometimes closed by the California Highway Patrol, generally because of the icy conditions combined with the steep grade of the pass, and the high traffic during the winter holidays. Occasionally, heavy rains will cause mud and rockslides, closing the freeway. The Highway Patrol is also concerned, especially with a large number of big-rigs that pass through, that just one accident in the icy or snowy conditions might force traffic to slow down or come to a complete stop, leaving hundreds of vehicles stalled at once. Whenever there is such a closure, traffic must either wait for it to reopen, or endure a slow multi-hour detour running between Bakersfield and Los Angeles via CA 58.” Basically, what you need to know is that once on the Grapevine you are essentially trapped as there are only 3 or 4 places that you can turn around if necessary. I have been traveling this road for my entire life, so I rarely think much about it. That was pretty much the attitude this day too after reading the sign, I checked the CalTrans website and read that a brush fire had started a few hours earlier that closed 2 lanes, but no new reports were given. As quoted above, you should have read that the alternate route would not only mean backtracking from where we were but traveling through Mojave. Continuing on the grapevine was almost comparable, maybe adding an additional 15 minutes to the longer alternate route, but the possibility the brush fire was contained, and the other lane was open. We were enjoying our time together and decided to just keep moving forward, but just in case, we took the last exit before entering to hydrate and urinate. As we returned to the car and begin the Grapevine incline, I brought out our last snack, 3 fruit and protein snacks shared between the 6 of us. I hear arguing, as trades happen between the backseats of cheddar cheese and apples. Then the car jumps, jumps again, as I question, “What was that?” obvious answer, “I don’t know” and it happens again before the lights in the car dashboard flash and we lose all power. Fortunately, we were in the middle and crossed quickly to the emergency lane, barely coasting to the closest Emergency Call Box, because I did not know what was happening. We made it, the car stopped, we were safe, unless you are the mom that sees a line of cars on the left and a cliff down a mountainside on the right. The boys were strangely quiet, except for the ‘What Happened’ that I honestly answered with an ‘I don’t know, stay buckled.’ I knew we had roadside assistance, although, I also knew we were in more than just a little bit of trouble, that I was in a line of stopped traffic behind and in front, far from an exit ahead, but one step at a time, first needing to know how to tell anyone how to reach us. The Call Box was a new experience and not the friendliest, but they were dealing with a lot of Calls, as we found out we were only 4.5 miles into the Grapevine and we had seen several calls already on the side of the road. I called my insurance, which also had trouble determining my location, but dispatched a tow-truck. So.. everything was A-Okay, we had help on the way, people knew where we were, although phone service was sketchy, and we were in a semi-safe location. Did I fail to mention, temps were reaching 100 degrees, and we all had less than a bottle of water each, that was getting warm, traffic started to speed up and we could have been a little closer to the edge for me to feel comfortable. I know that all would say No, but I did unbuckle and only let them exit the car in our last hour because we were dripping in sweat. I felt so guilty, for so many things… colder water, a snack, entertainment, a non-broken car so I wasn’t watching to make sure we weren’t hit on the road. HAVING CHILDREN IN A DANGEROUS SITUATION CHANGED MY WHOLE PERSPECTIVE! I could not even think straight, although, I was trying to be very calm and figure things out not even knowing what was going to happen. We were literally just existing on the side of I-5, about 3:30 and I received a call at 4:30 from a tow-service. This is where it got really interesting. First, he asked where we were, I told him to the best of my ability, he told me that if we were outside of Castiac (the last stop before the Grapevine) that he could not help us. Then he asked what the problem was, I said, I didn’t know but the battery flashed and was asking for a jump. He listened to my description, and said, “A battery jump won’t help, so I can’t waste service for that, but I can tow you to your desired location.” I explained that I had no idea what else was wrong with the car, that I did not know the nearest auto service location, and the insurance agent told me that only I could go with the tow-truck driver and I was not leaving my kids on the highway. He continued to explain his reasoning for his unofficial diagnosis of the van, and that he understood my frustration and was sorry for my circumstance. Now, I need to admit that this man’s tone sounded condescending and he had initially said, he could not even come to where we were stranded so I already wanted to hang up, but good manners prevailed. Once he mentioned my frustration, I barely interrupted, but did so to say, “ I am not frustrated, actually, I take that back, I am as I am sitting in the hot sun on a freeway with 4 children and a broken car with a brush fire ahead and no way to go forward, back, or even sideways. We are trapped and I have no clue as to what to do.” He responded with, “Now, I am irritated now too because I hear your situation, and I am going to make some calls and send someone out to you. I will make sure they have room to take all of you to a location of your choosing and suggest you come here because I am sure it is your alternator. I don’t do that kinda work anymore, but think we have one here and can fix it for you tonight.” I wasn’t sure about him, or anything, but I knew we needed to be off the road.” Did I mention that during this time 8 fire vehicles passed us, and while on the phone, a CHP finally showed to check on us, as well as 5 other cars around us. Things were a mess. They thought it would take 30 minutes for the tow-truck, it took 90 minutes before he got there. The nicest guy, Hunter, and he did try to jump the battery, but it would not hold a charge, however, he looked like the driver you never want to show up late-night, again, “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” He fit all of us in his truck, loaded the van and we were on our way. We backtracked, but once we saw the ahead traffic, we were not moving anywhere. The fire was yet to be contained and we had been on the mountain for 4 hours. Finally, reaching the shop, they determined it was indeed the alternator, and although it was after 7 pm agreed to work for 2 hours to fix and loaned us a car to take the boys to dinner. We were on the road by 9:30, with a discounted labor and equipment fee, plus a free quart of oil as we are due an oil change. I did a little research and it does look like received a nice discount, but we don’t have an emergency fund set up. I thank Jesus that this happened at the beginning of the month, but we have a lot of things to work out for the rest of our monthly bills.
My point in sharing, is my gratefulness for our safety, for realizing our reliance on others in times of need, and the genuine good of strangers. I also learned not to be so judgmental, although I never thought I was, and to be better prepared. Maybe a better or added Emergency Kit, definitely Emergency Food and Fund, because now I have a whole different set of stressors as I look at how to cover such a fee. But I am most grateful for how well behaved the boys were, with not one word of complaint, only jokes, and sentiment trying to keep the mood light and being understanding of the situation. From now on, I will look with more compassion to those on the side of the road and if there is something, I can ever do for them.
This morning I woke up with the pull to write, to be honest, I haven’t felt that need for the past few weeks. It shouldn’t seem so surprising for a writer, but I’ve taken a step back from not only posting my words but even free creative writing of my own. There has been a lot going on personally in my life and my words were reflecting a tone that I did not want to portray.
Within the last month I am more rested, my days of recuperation nearly behind, and yet, the silent whisper of words to share was gone. The voices of characters demanding for their story to be told was non- existent, I was/am afraid that I had lost my passion for writing.
The fear grew stronger, as did my anxiety the longer it took for me to put pen to paper. I did try, but there just seemed like I had nothing to say. I certainly didn’t have anything worth anyone’s time to read. It got worse, as people begin to ask when I would write again. For some, the question was out of genuine curiosity as my site was dark, for others it was concern, knowing I am happiest when writing.
For me; Anxiousness and Self-Doubt was replaced by personal judgement and discouragement. I felt as if I was disappointing those invested in my future. I felt like a failure as a writer, and a fraud as I could no longer hear the call…. The struggle was real.
I knew the writing tips and tricks. The mantras, positive thinking, how to “Get Out” of Writers Block; but I had internalized all the negativity. I now read all other’s posts, blogs, books and convinced myself that I was wasting my time. I was never going to be as good as ‘those’ writers. I just didn’t have what it takes.
This morning, thoughts invaded my sleep, with a realization. My claim for AutumnBrookeOnline is to write from Heart, Mind and Soul, whatever that may be. I don’t have to be perfect, or even interesting, (although it helps). I just need to be me! Maybe I won’t have anything profoundly important to say, but if I feel it, I can write it and in my experience, your words may touch someone; today, tomorrow, or next year; but it is “You Being You” that makes the difference. Don’t focus on all the rest and find your inner strength within, only be exactly who you are….. that is when the greatness begins!
Remember these….. this app was popular for a month as it would take your picture and convert your face into that of a Cover Model. Several of my friends and family used it to share what they “Could” look like, some even made it their social media profile pic for a while. I was curious and played around with it too, but didn’t post any of these. Yesterday was #NationalSelfieDay and I did take a selfie to post on my facebook page in order to make a point for today’s blog.
When I took the above images, I kept them because I had a thought about how focused many of us have become with our image. A desire to appear more than what we are in our physical appearance. I know that I am guilty of it, as proven in my selfie post yesterday. I took atleast half a dozen photos with different angles and lighting so that I would look more attractive. I did not use any filters such as IG, snapchat, or an editing tool, but I didn’t need to because there is a selfie softening filter automatically. I was actually unaware of this until it occurred to me that I always looked better when taking a selfie then if someone took a picture of me for an event.
The pictures in the app used above don’t make me feel more beautiful, they actually cause my self image to feel lower because I fear that I should be doing something different in order to achieve model status. I should learn better make up techniques, drink more water, have more facials…. maybe even think of using injections or sculpting. This is not who I want to be or what I would want to promote to anyone who may look up to me. I do not ever want to be so vain that I would be willing to undergo a knife just to be “Socially Acceptable” in today’s day and age. To fit what the world as decided a middle aged women should look like.
I don’t let the world choose how I should live. I tend to lean towards the conservative, I am stricter than most in how I raise my children, I hold high morals and values that are certainly not popular in society, so why do I worry so much in how my physical appearance may be rated?
I guess in writing this, I realize that I don’t have an answer or solution so much, as it is just my observation. However, with realization, I can and will make an effort to change my thought process so that I may live easier. Be carefree enough to not avoid the camera, although I tend to be the one in the pictures with the closed eyes, or laughing too big. I want my children to know that it is okay to be themselves and not strive to be what only “some” consider perfect. I will still take Selfies, but I hope that now I may be happy with that First shot and not need to Filter every photo.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I know that I am made in “His Image” and in knowing that…. I know that I am Beautiful just being Me, and so are you!
Designated by UNESCO (United Nations Educational Scientific and Cultural Organization) first held in 1995 and now celebrated in more than 100 countries world wide, World Book Day is more than a Celebration of Reading. It is a day that recognizes Authors, Illustrators, lovers of Books, including but not limited to Publishers, Book Sellers, and my favorite, Libraries. Those that recognize the magical importance of books that bypass generations and cultures alike. A bridge between young and old, a common ground of a shared world created by identifiable characters that create an adventure that stands the test of time.
In the United Kingdom and Republic of Ireland World Book Day is recognized on the first Thursday of March to avoid clashing with the Easter holiday and St. George’s Day. Throughout the rest of the world it is celebrated on the 23 of April, an already established date among literary admirers as the birth date of William Shakespeare and the death of Miguel de Cervantes. On both of these days the importance of World Book Day remains the same and that is to encourage future readers, to provide a book to every child which may be the first book that they own. Free books or vouchers are offered at various locations, events that unite children with their favorite authors to possibly give them a dream bigger than their own.
Besides promoting reading and publishing there is one more important aspect of this day which is to recognize that the protection of intellectual property through the means of Copyright. The Copyright.gov website describes it as, “Copyright, a form of intellectual property law, protects original works of authorship including literary, dramatic, musical, and artistic works, such as poetry, novels, movies, songs, computer software, and architecture” first coming into a treaty signed in 1886. Even as I may wait for certain writings to be published, I know that there is always a sense of well being when I receive a Copyright certificate in the mail, knowing that my work is recognized as my own and protected as such.
I will feel remiss if I don’t admit that I was not aware of this date of celebration, but now that I am, I am going to make sure that I became an advocate and help spread awareness. I hope that all of you will also find a way to play a part to #PromoteLiteracy and #ReadingforAllAges. #ShareaStory it’s #WorldBookDay
This week I had the opportunity to attend a competition between Graphic Designers. It was put on by DesignProof at Bitwise Industries. I must admit to being impressed from the moment I arrived. Met at the door by two students that are welcoming as they place a wristband if over 21 yrs, for “complimentary” beer, and ask if you are familiar with the facility. Being my first visit I was offered a tour to of Bitwise. Walls are covered in an eye catching graffiti style, there is a cafe, meeting space, Fed Ex, a small shop to repair screens and offer accessories for digital needs. Arrays of outlets in various seating locations, to catch up on homework for the many classes offered on site. It is a great location with so much to offer. You can read more about them here, and you should… http://bitwiseindustries.com/story/.
There was so much to do, see, and read, but with only thirty minutes until the start of the competition, I was inclined to partake of the refreshments especially after learning that it was accompanied by a Polish Sausage wrapped in a homemade bun, with the most delicious fresh relish provided by Mabel’s kitchen, where everything is made fresh sweet or savory. I heard stories about their homemade cinnamon buns and triple chocolate brownies, so I know I will need to make another visit to experience their decadence. Menu items, hours, and more can be found on their website…. http://mabelskitchenfresno.com/.
People watching, talking, sharing in food and drink, I was fully satisfied and happy that I had come out to experience a new locale that I must have driven passed too many times to count. I was then reminded that there was still more…. the competition… my reason for attending, free entertainment. With minutes to spare, I made my way to the theater for a good seat. Yes, there is a theater with stage, stadium seating, and screen within Bitwise. It just kept getting better and better, especially after being stopped on my way in by another student that invited me to play a game of Plinko. Let a golf ball roll down a decline and if it lands in the middle lane, I may choose a prize. To my delight, I now had dessert too as I settled with ease into my seat and was introduced to the contestants.
The competition was a timed event of sixty minutes between three designers. Casey Peck, Konnor Cantrell, Michael Vasquez that were chosen from many applicants that submitted five design pieces to the host DesignProof. Their mission was to be the one with the best portrait at the end of sixty minutes only being allowed to use one stock photo, three brushes and three fonts. The design program was Adobe CC Design Suite and their computer screens were shared on the main large screen for the audience. During the time there was a series of raffles and trivia questions to keep us engaged with the opportunity to win more prizes. Time passed quickly, a short lull as four judges deliberated before making the final call to determine the winner. 1st Place was won by Konnor Cantrell, @lithium_is_salty who used a mannequin photo, manipulating it into a bright gradient piece that screamed abstract, definitely patterned after the trend for 2018. The 2nd place spot was delivered to Michael Vasquez, @mikeysart840 for is take on Paco the dog. You can see more of his Aztec style on his attached Instagram page. Casey Peck, @eyecandydesigns inspired by her apparel and accessory designs that delight women and little girls alike took home the 3rd place prize.
It was a fun event, one that I would definitely attend again. This was only the second competition of what we hope will continue to be an annual event held by DesignProof. I was intrigued by their desire to inspire not only the artists but the community. When asked Who Is Design Proof? Their statement is simple, “We are a group of designers, web designers, and digital artists who want to up the creative notch and see talent flourish in California. DesignProof seeks to bring together creatives that have a passion for design, eye for creative expression, and are generally awesome and see what happens.” Why a Tournament? It was their response to this question that made me not only a fan but a supporter, “We want to celebrate the people who make things pretty. They are tinkering, deliberate minds who work late nights lit by little more than the glow of their computer monitor. We look for the best emerging talent and showcase artists and their creative process for the education, excitement and inspiration of an onlooking audience.” More on DesignProof and the Tournament can be read here, http://designproof.org/.
As a creative myself, I love knowing that there are more people out there working hard to help others showcase their best selves and their passions. It is up to all of us to work together to make our community, our world beautiful and live a life inspired that sustains us to be able to continue to create. Please Like, Follow, Share and lets continue to work together to spread beauty in all forms.
The kids are gone this week for Spring Break and I had a list a mile long that I planned to accomplish not needing to be on their time. As any parent can relate kids not only come with a lot of responsibilities but with a massive schedule. With them away, I was not bound to a routine and planned to put in the work; after I took one day to myself to fully relax in the silence, besides, Sunday is Rest Day. Tomorrow is the last day of the week and I have only managed to cross two items off my list. I woke up this morning chastising myself for my lack of commitment, but I don’t feel a sense of failure, more like the whole week passed me by in a daze. I sort of floated through each day barely eating more than one meal and spending a lot of time in reflection. I have been forced to admit that it is grief and sorrow that haunts me. I knew that I was sad, but I never expected the loss of a pet to be so traumatic.
On the 15th of March we lost our family dog, Cali, after ten years. We spent a lot of time deciding on the “right” dog for our family and she was a perfect fit; calm with the boys when they were small and protective too. About four years ago I knew that she was not getting the activity and attention she needed in our home. Those before mentioned schedules took too much of our time, so we made the difficult decision to have her live with the Grandparents. Although not ideal, she now had another dog to play with and we were still able to visit with her. It never ceased to amaze me how Cali never forgot us, always greeting us with joy and excitement. It was extremely hard to hear that she was losing her fight and passed a few days later.
The reality of losing Cali only brought home the fact that we would soon be losing Rain, our cat of eighteen years. We had expected that he would pass a few times over the years. He was slow to move, losing weight, hearing and sight were also diminishing, but he would rally and prove us all wrong. Chasing birds outside, play fighting with the other house-cats, and demanding of food. However, Rain did start spending more time sleeping in isolation and I told the kids to say their goodbyes before they left for the week. On Monday, the 26th, I was forced to call the kids to give their last words of love, as I held Rain while he took his final breath.
We have lost pets before, which is why I never imagined that this would be as painful but having Rain before I even had children has made it different. His presence is noticeably missing in the house. I have even caught myself looking for him when I feed the other cats or when closing up at night, making sure he isn’t left outside. He was there to purr and settle my spirit when writers block would take over. I depended on him in a way I never realized until he was no longer here. I have heard many refer to their pets as fur babies and I understand that concept better now, but for me, Rain was more of a best friend and confidant, we really grew up together, raised the kids together.
I haven’t yet shed tears over this loss, even without the children here, I am so use to being strong for them that I push all my feelings over a situation away. I am sure that is not healthy, or the “right” way to process emotions, but that is what this post is essentially for. There is no right or wrong way in how people deal with tragic events, I didn’t even bother to share my pet’s passing on facebook, until I decided that it really is words of heart, mind, and soul. I admit that I am deeply hurt and expect that I will be crying right alongside my kids when we put Rain to rest. We have had kitten burials, a dramatic fish funeral, I think there was even one for an ant farm, but this will be one that stays with all of us. A pet that will never be forgotten, a real member of our family. We love you Rain!
I have not written a blog in quite a while so it seems fitting that I would choose to write today, the first day of Spring. I have a few times that I wrote about the rain, or even my own name in relation to the season itself, but Spring is my favorite time of the year. There is something so refreshing about the way that the earth has its own rebirth, making all seem fresh and new. We feel it so much as individuals, that we too, have a Spring Cleaning ritual, the talk of Summer coming and needing to renew our gym association for those upcoming bathing suit days. Be it our homes, our bodies, or our lives, the world takes on the importance of washing away the old and preparing for the new. This is important for all of us, although I don’t know that we always realize it. We take part in it for New Year Resolutions but many find those cliche, I admit that I don’t make New Years resolutions but we all unknowingly participate in the beginning of Spring.
For many it may be unintentional but we all need a chance to change or reevaluate what didn’t work the past year and start anew. The changing of the season with all its new growth helps us to do that, although many unfortunately don’t take notice of their surroundings. The beauty in our every day life that truly makes us who we are, but with such undeserved recognition. I need to spend moments outside everyday, I thrive off the sights and smell of nature. I make sure that my children spend at least 30-60 minutes outside each day, longer when the weather is warmer. I hope that they will grow to love it as I do and share the inspiration with those around them.
Today I woke to the sound of rain and although I love the rain, I was initially saddened. It seems that winter is lasting a little longer this year and I miss my warm, sunny days. Taking a moment to enjoy the freshly washed black top and listen to the droplets fall from the leaves of the tree, I could see the buds on the branches that need the water to bloom; to look like the tree across the street with the many white blossoms glistening like snowflakes against the deep blue in the sky. Next to it was the tree that I swear looked bare yesterday but now was a radiant green with new leaves adorning its stems. My grass was deeper, the soil darker for the flowers I know are to come in the next few weeks.
We have the benefit of spending each day living in an ever changing painting of life and we too, as people need to remember that our own lives are not singular but part of a constant fluidity that makes the world go round. Don’t let any moment of the beauty of the world, others or yourself pass you by. Spring is just the beginning!
